Walking through the corridors of Memorial Stadium on a cool autumn evening should have been a routine endeavor for the beloved Husker football coach Bo Pelini, having done so on many occasions with nothing but a crisp chill in the air to accompany him. This time, however, Pelini was accompanied by someone, or something, else.
“I was just taking a walk through Memorial Stadium on a Wednesday evening after work, you know, like I always do,” Pelini stated. “And I just had this strange sensation that I wasn’t alone. It was an imposing, evil presence I felt, and every hair on my body stood up.”
“At first I thought it was just some Husker fan,” Pelini added, “so naturally I was just about to tell him to screw off when the air got freezing cold and I heard something whisper in my ear, ‘just focus on offense!’ I looked around and there was no one there, so I ran. I ran, may have pooped myself, then ran some more.”
Some groups believed it to be the spirit of Bill Callahan, endlessly lurking the halls of the place where he caused the most suffering in his life. A team of ghost hunters, the Continental Researchers Advocating the Paranormal, otherwise known as C.R.A.P., traveled to Memorial Stadium to investigate the ghostly happenings.
“Usually spirits are tied to the place where they either experienced or caused the most amount of pain and agony in life,” lead investigator Kevin McClure stated, “so it would make sense that Bill Callahan’s spirit is eternally linked to this stadium. He ruined so many lives as a coach here that there is an abundance of negative energy left behind.”
The investigators used a ouija board in order to attempt contact with the spirit. When investigators asked, “Do you think there is any value in a strong defense?” the ouija board answered “No.”
“It was then that I knew it was the spirit of Bill Callahan,” McClure stated. “We’ve never had a spirit respond to use with such an evil and demonic answer, and I’m afraid this matter is out of our control.”
UNL officials are currently looking into the possibility of an exorcism, and in the meantime have advised students to avoid the stadium and to always meditate upon the importance of both a strong offense and defense.