With the popular success of Animal Planet’s Puppy Bowl, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Michael Vick has announced that two days after the original puppy bowl, he will ref an ‘unofficial’ puppy bowl in the basement of his house. The announcement is a surprise to some because of Vick’s history with animal abuse, but Vick thinks that there should be no problems.
“With all my experiences of dealing with violent dog fights, puppies should be no problem,” Vick assured listeners.
Even though Vick seems excited to referee his own puppy bowl, many are not fond with the idea.
“How in the hell is he allowed to have dogs in his house? Would you give the Unabomber a hand-made bomb?” Victoria Stenberg, Vick’s neighbor, cried in disbelief.
“You’d hate to see a guy like Vick go back to a bad habit like that, but maybe if the Philadelphia Eagles would have made it to the fucking Super Bowl, he would not have any time for this dog fighting,” former Eagles player and current ESPN commentator Brian Dawkins said.
Vick figured that there would be some backlash to his upcoming game, but assured that he has taken every precaution to make sure that the game is safe.
“Before the game, I’ll make sure that no puppy gets into any trouble by trapping them all into small, individual cages away from any sunlight or toys. Then minutes before the game, I’ll give them all a little bit of dog’s blood from my previous bowl games, just to get them a little riled up. During the game, I will constantly blow a dog whistle in their ears, driving them to insanity and make them question what there is to live for, if of course they survive all the booby-trap and poisons.”
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is worried about how Vick’s actions will affect the view of NFL culture and should probably suspend him, but admits that he is totally clueless about the whole situation.
“Who wants to see the extra-point be taken away?” Goodell excitedly asked reporters.