A local mirror was shocked and horrified to the core this morning at 4:32 a.m. by a god-awful sight that stood before it for a full twelve minutes.
“Jesus Christ Almighty, it was horrible,” the mirror and biology major at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln said, its reflexive surface quivering with terror. “I don’t quite know what I was looking at.”
After EMT officials arrived, the mirror, 2, had been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder that very morning. Yet, despite this, and despite any painful memories, the mirror described the terrible sight that crawled in front of it.
“At first, I couldn’t see whatever the hell that thing was,” the mirror said, a streak of water running down what one can only assume was its tearful eye. “All I could hear was a bunch of groaning and snorting.”
“But then, the light above me flicked on, and it was like the scenes in those movies where the person is under a dingy bulb and is about to be tortured to death.”
The mirror, somehow, broke into uncontrolled sobbing; meaning cleaning officials would need to use extra glass cleaner to remove the streaks of emotion.
“My life has changed forever,” he said between sobs.
The mirror continued to describe the creature gazing right at it that fateful morning as a true scourge of life.
“Its eyes were indescribably bloodshot, with crusty fluids running down its cheeks, which were stained with [graphic content omitted in accordance with Dailyer policy],” choked the chunk of polished metal. “There were tangled and greasy little strands of fibers coming from its pale head.”
But the worst part,” the mirror said. ”Was what came from its mouth. I blacked out the memory.”
The mirror finally said to reporters that, even after the incident, it plans to return to your dorm room as soon as possible.
“I just hope that monster doesn’t come back,” the mirror concluded.