Nation’s moochers issue increasing demands for a bite of that

Last week, Jerald Hortense, head of the Moochers Union, held a press conference in front of more than a thousand people in Washington, D.C., to outline his demands for a bite of that.

“Come on, we’re here, we forgot our wallet and we’re hungry. Let us get a bite of that!” Hortense exclaimed to the crowd to mixed reactions. Some members of the crowd were more than happy to offer the moocher a bite of whatever they happened to have, be it anything from a sandwich to a simple Twix bar. However, some were not quite as happy to oblige.

Joshua Stern, the head of the Stingy Dickhead Association, described the demands as “unacceptable,” stating that the whole situation seemed like a “very dangerous slippery slope.”
“Sure, it starts with a bite, but where does it end?” Stern asked during an exclusive interview with The DailyER.

“This sets a very dangerous precedent, one that says we are willing to compromise with the moochers,” Stern said. “Sure, one bite isn’t a big deal, but that’s only the beginning. Next thing you know they’ll be asking for sips of drinks or, god forbid, to bum a cigarette.”

“I’ve only got three left, and I’m sure as shit not willing to share with no moocher,” Stern added.

While tensions are obviously high on the begging ground, one thing remains certain: these moochers aren’t going away anytime soon.