Nebraska Fans Hold Candlelight Vigil For Victims of Chattanooga Game

Fans of the Nebraska Cornhuskers congregated outside Memorial Stadium late Sunday evening for what was the first day of a long candlelight vigil in memory of the victims of the Husker’s 40-7 victory.

Following the athletic slaughter, seventeen visiting fans from the University of Tennessee-Chattanooga Mockingbirds were rushed to the hospital with embarrassment-related injuries. None are expected to survive.

The damage suffered by fans, however, was not the reason for the vigil. The entire Chattanooga offense, its starting defensive line, and several assistant coaches suffered life-threatening injuries following their contact with Division I football players.

Nebraska defensive end Cameron Meredith was particularly effective, slaughtering three receivers, two tight ends, and the starting right guard.

The rest of the injured players and coaches were hospitalized by the particularly vicious and spiteful play calling of new offensive coordinator Tim Beck.

Beck later explained his reasoning. “Though some may think calling ‘Slaughter-Murder-Death 29’ right off the bat was a bit much, we wanted those junior college kids to know we were serious,” he said after the game. “And if their offense can’t handle [Husker defensive coordinator Carl] Pelini’s ‘All-Blitz-Crush-Kill’ formation, then they should get off the damn field.”

While the estimated 10,000 fans that surrounded Memorial Stadium sang hymns and prayed to Nebraska Athletic Director Tom Osborne, coach Bo Pelini faced questions and criticism from those who felt his team overcompensated.

Pelini was defiant in his response to critics. “They’re 21st in the Division II rankings, so I wasn’t about to take them lightly,” Pelini said. “You never want to underestimate a team that could, at any point, call in a real quarterback or insert a offensive lineman that weights more than 120 pounds. We don’t half-ass things here, and we didn’t think they would, either.”

The vigil is expected to continue until next week’s game, when the Southern Kentucky Girl’s School for the Blind will come to Lincoln to be slaughtered like sheep.

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