Students walking to class Wednesday morning stared with awe and teary expressions as local frontiersman and freshman ag-science major Rick Moon took his bicycle off-sidewalk near Love Library.
“By God, what’s that insane bastard doing?” exclaimed sophomore economics major Martin Griffith, clutching his coat and watching as the pioneer bravely took his bike where no bike had gone before. “Gotta admit that that kid’s got guts, though.”
Moon–known for his unorthodox method of riding his majestic aluminum mustang on the very edge of the sidewalk–had finally made campus history as his bike crossed the uncharted lawns between Love Library and the Student Union.
Moved by Moon, a pure embodiment of Manifest Destiny, other bicyclists moved their rides off-sidewalk as well.
“We’re right behind you!” shouted rider Samantha Doyle, her bike’s tires sounding majestic as they crunched over dead leaves, untamed grass and stones tossed from the nearby rock gardens.
Unfortunately, tragedy struck the posse Friday night.
Due to their recklessness and the chilly weather, Moon and company were soon lost and cold in the middle of the wild underbelly of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.
The riders, hungry and desperate, had to resort to eating one student–culinary major Isla Taylor–before returning to civilization Wednesday.
“This experience changed us forever,” Moon said, with a single tear trickling down his cheek and haggard from his travels off-sidewalk. “But risks must be taken. Eventually, everyone will be able to ride their bikes like that.”