Non-werewolf needs only alcohol to transform into monster

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In this month of October, many people’s attention turns to supernatural and scary creatures – goblins, werewolves, witches and vampires. But not all monsters are of the paranormal variety. In fact, many walk among us without our knowledge.

Senior economics major Connor Elliott may not have any supernatural powers connected to the moon or weaknesses to silver bullets, but he does have one unique power – he can miraculously transform into a huge douchebag after just a couple of beers.

“It’s just something I was born with, I think,” Elliott told The DailyER. “Ever since high school I’ve been able to do it.”

Many have marveled at Elliott’s spectacular metamorphosis. Stephanie Koyfman, a friend of a friend of his, recently had the opportunity to see it in person.

“We were hanging out at my house,” Koyfman said. “It wasn’t even a party or anything, just a chill night. I thought Connor seemed like this nice, chill, sort of nerdy guy. But then the most amazing thing happened.”

According to Koyfman, a remarkable change came over Elliott as soon as he finished his second Bud Light. The formerly shy and reserved student stood up and began to act like a prick.

“He started talking way louder than everybody else and putting everyone down,” Koyfman said. “It was seriously a night-and-day thing. There was no warning.”

Elliott went on to eat Koyfman’s food, fall into her refrigerator and break her screen door off its hinges. After that, he left without warning, running off into the night. Nobody knows how he got home.

“I never used to believe in the paranormal,” Koyfman said. “Witches, goblins, monsters? Always seemed like kid stuff to me. Now, I’m not so sure.”

“If it means getting made fun of and all my shit getting broken. I’m not sure I want to believe.”