Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos’ recent announcement of an Amazon Prime Air drone delivery service excited many American consumers. Even Obama was not immune from the hype cycle, stating that with this recent development he would do all his holiday shopping online and every member of his family could receive same day delivery on their Christmas wish of dead foreign children.
Obama released a statement on the recent news: “umm… yeah. The entire Obama family is very excited about this development. Malia, Sasha, Michelle, you’re all getting the Christmas of your dreams. Daddy loves you.”
While Obama had to previously wait 1-2 days for a dead Pakistani child he can now place several orders of civilian strikes and sleep easily knowing their charred corpses will be ready by morning. With Amazon Prime Air, there’s no more last minute rushing to Abbottabad and trying to gather some last minute dead civilians before the kids wake up to an empty Christmas tree.
“I was so sick of putting off the shopping only to find they had run out of Pakistani kids and I’d have to use Solians or Yemenis instead. Amazon Prime Air eliminates this fear. I can even hit the gift wrap option and theres no return info, just a discrete package bearing down on them reigning hellfire from above.”
Obama went on to tout the superior video service of Amazon Prime and said that even with the $79 dollar price tag the ability to stream Workaholics and burn the homes of the Taliban or Taliban-ish looking people makes it all worthwhile.
Thanks to Amazon Prime Air, gift shopping for the Obamas was a stress free experience, but not everyone was completely happy with their dead Pakistani. Malia was hoping for a couple dead Americans but Obama reminded her that there’s always her Super Sweet 16 and if she keeps her grades up she might be able to get a car with a dead Anwar al-Awlaki inside.