Opinion: America is, like, the worst place ever by Really Insightful Freshman

Look at you. Sitting there, feeling all hunky dory. Well, you shouldn’t. Yeah, you shouldn’t.

You know why? Well, isn’t it obvious? Don’t you see the shit-stained bird cage of bureaucracy?

Because America is, like, the worst place ever, man. And you’re living in it.

After my very lively semester of global studies and other courses, my eyes have been opened to all of America’s problems. I was once a young 18-year-old child. Yet, now, at 19, I’m as wise as an ancient sage. With my intense entry-level courses, I will now wield my knowledge as a righteous sword.,

Such a disgusting sewer this country called “the United States of America” is. I can’t believe you all can just live your pointless lives, knowing that we aren’t part of a utopia. Luckily, I’m fighting the system every day. I fight disgusting capitalism by not working; I fight the corrupt housing market by living rent-free with my brother (who, sadly, has yet to be saved); I fight all forms of power struggle by never showing any emotion of conformity, such as “happiness” or “respect;” I fight all the idiotic caste system by only attending my ethnic and women’s studies courses, the only practical classes in this stupid country.

Maybe someday, you’ll all be as insightful as me. Until then, you are contributing to this terrible country by existing, you scum. Keep that in mind.