T-2 hours until local party house “The Smash Palace” kicks off its annual Halloween party but house host, Greg Jeffries worries that there is still too much ground to cover before Dan Fuller shows up. Many hoped Dan, famed among past “Smash Palace” parties for his repulsively topical costumes, wouldn’t show his face again after last year’s “sexy Trayvon” costume.
Unfortunately these prayers have been dispelled with Dan’s enthusiastic “workin’ [sic] on my costume. you’ll all be surprised ;)) hahahaa” post on the event’s Facebook page. All house members have been working double party-planning shifts to create a tactical defense against Dan.
“We’ve created escape routes throughout the house for any babes that may be cornered by Dan, and fog machines that can be diverted to hide any costumes distinguishing features,” Greg said. “But I’m not sure we’ve done enough.”
The house meeting, typically set for every other Wednesday, met in an emergency meeting to attempt to enter Dan’s warped mind. A brief summary of world tragedies and possible costumes were discussed. Sexy Michael Brown/Darren Wilson, ebola victim and missing Malaysian plane were all suggested as possible Dan ideas but nothing could be ruled out.
The NAACP, ADL and FBI have all been contacted and will remain on alert from 10 p.m. to 3 a.m.
“He’s a mad man, I mean, I’m still his friend but I’ve seen him laugh while thinking about high-profile murder trials that could be adapted to our parties,” Jeffries said. “He doesn’t care about winning the ‘best’ or ‘funniest’ divisions in our costume contest. Can you even call a person like that human?”
As of press time, surveillance reports indicate that Dan and his awful girlfriend Rachel have put the finishing touches on their Ray and Janay Rice outfits and chuckled inanely to themselves. There will be no joy at “Smash Palace” tonight.