In a stunning announcement at a state legislature hearing last Friday, Governor Pete Ricketts gave an astounding 45-minute-long speech concluding in an unprecedented request.
“In conclusion, ladies and gentlemen of the Senate, I have decided that I want to start taking both my job and my life more seriously,” Ricketts said. “To commemorate this shift in outlook, I would also like to be referred to in a more serious light. So, from now on, I would like everyone to start calling me ‘Peter’ instead of ‘Pete.’”
This came as a shock to citizens of Nebraska who became used to their governor wearing backwards ball caps and putting baseball cards in the spokes of his bike to make it sound like a motorcycle.
“He never ceases to surprise me,” Janet Clemens of Louisville told The DailyER. “Just last week he was getting yelled at by his mom for not cleaning up the toys in the family room, now he’s coming to work in a suit and tie and making small talk with colleagues about the weather.”
“I think this is a fresh new start,” Clyde Garrison of Ogallala said. “Not just for Peter, but for all the citizens of Nebraska. It seems like we won’t have to worry about getting calls from our governor’s homeroom teacher about how he won’t stop calling classmates ‘poop eating monster children.’ It’s amazing how much he’s grown up.”
There’s still no word as to whether his new name has changed his views on social issues like capital punishment and gay rights, but Nebraskans are starting to look toward a more hopeful future.