Pete Ricketts to pardon inmate for Thanksgiving

A tradition as old as holiday cheer, the pardoning of a turkey by U.S. presidents has been happening since the 1940s. Every year before Thanksgiving, the current president pardons one turkey from being eaten who will live the rest of its life out on some farm. This chummy event is the ultimate way to give thanks for all the good things that have happened during the year, and for once in his life, governor Pete Ricketts would like to extend the same gratitude.

In an odd press conference, Ricketts announced that on the Monday before Thanksgiving he would pardon one criminal in the Lincoln prison system for all of their crimes.

Ricketts seemed a little more chipper than usual, excited for the prospect of changing someone’s life.

“In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I feel like the best way to give thanks is to change someone’s life for the better,” Ricketts said jubilantly. “Second chances are what drives our society, and I can’t wait to be responsible for that.”

When asked the legality of the situation, Ricketts seemed flippant on the laws.

“I’m the Governor, I can do whatever I want. The laws don’t apply to me,” Ricketts said, suspiciously confident. “If I wanted to place every one of you under arrest, I could.”

When asked who’s in the running to be pardoned, Ricketts was once again very frank.

“Oh, you know, probably one of my rich guy friends arrested for tax evasion, that really shouldn’t be a crime anymore,” Ricketts said. “He’s a key donor, plus then he can vote for me next year when he’s not a felon.”