Point/Counterpoint: I’m gay vs. I’m gay

Point: I’m gay

Listen, I don’t own seven pairs of khakis and listen almost exclusively to Sufjan Stevens’s Carrie & Lowell (2015) to be mistaken for some kind of cisgender heterosexual. I’m gay.

I’ve been gay from the second I was born. When I came out of the womb, the doctor didn’t even say it’s a boy or a girl, he just said it’s a gay. They immediately swaddled me in a rainbow blanket, gave me an undercut and sent me off to conversion therapy.

It didn’t work.

Every cell, every tissue, every organ in my body is queer. My liver is gender non-conforming. My lungs are both transgender. My pancreas is bisexual. My appendix was a cishet, I got it removed.

My species isn’t even homo sapien at this point, it’s just homo.

Counterpoint: I’m gay

However, I don’t want being gay to be the only thing that defines my personality. I have many other personality traits as well. For example, I’m also extremely gay, queer and definitely not straight. The only straight thing about me anymore is the fact that I’m straight up Gay.

Besides being gay, I’m also currently a level four queer. I reached level four by explaining to my grandma that gender is a social construct over Thanksgiving dinner. Level five is refusing to use gendered pronouns for animals. I’m hoping to be there by early February of this year.

With each passing day I become gayer and stronger. After I surpass queer level seven, I will be too gay and powerful to contain. Only then will I be satisfied with how gay I am.