Pope Francis gives oddly-placed P90X endorsement

While paying a visit to the victims of Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico, Pope Francis spoke on helping those in need and the unbelievable results he has seen from participating in the P90X workout program.

“The Bible commands that we provide assistance to the world’s less fortunate,” said Pope Francis to a crowd of thousands. “Something that has provided assistance to me is the P90X workout program. I went from fat to fit in just 90 days.”

In an hour-long address, Pope Francis touched on God’s guidance, the necessity of spreading the Bible’s message and the renewed amount of energy he has felt since completing the P90X regimen.

“The Gospel of Luke, verses 10 and 11 of chapter 3 read as such: ‘And the crowds asked him, “What then should we do?” In reply he said to them, “Whoever has two coats must share with anyone who has none; and whoever has food must do likewise.”‘” said the Pope. “I’ve been giving away all my coats because none of them fit me. I lost 30 pounds with P90X.”

After speaking to the crowd, Pope Francis shook hands with those attending and offered blessings to children while holding up versions of his old, larger robes to display the extent of his weight loss.

Before leaving, the Pope offered assurance to Puerto Rico: “God will protect the Puerto Rican people. God loves you, just as I love my new body. I praise God that I was able to see these results, thanks to P90X, after just six payments of $19.95.”

The Pope then gave a final wave to the crowd, blessed an injured child and drove away in his P90X-themed Popemobile.