At 8:30 a.m. Friday, with aromas of lavender and potato in the air, freshman economics major Kaylee Martinez woke up after a long night’s rest in her soft, leftover turkey-filled bed.
After stretching her arms, Martinez yanked off the flower-pattern sheets and the mass of congealing turkey legs and gravy that completely covered them.
“Well, time to start the day,” Martinez said to herself as she stepped through the 3 inches of cranberry-stuffing mixture that spanned the entire floor. “Wonder what I should wear today.”
She opened her closet and– after sifting through the hundreds of pumpkin pies that spilled out– found a tank top and skirt.
“Oh, this’ll work,” Martinez said as she looked at herself in a mirror veiled in roasted turkey skin. “The [crusty creamed corn] color on the shirt goes great with this orange skirt.”
Then, Martinez rummaged through her cabinets of knick-knacks and sticky wishbones to find a wool scarf (and wishbones). She tried it on before deciding that it was time to go.
“I’m starving,” Martinez said as she made her bed, smoothing the sheets and spreading out the shavings of meat evenly. “Time for lunch.”
Martinez took 10 minutes to wade through the mounds of mashed potatoes and ambrosia before being able to open her bedroom door and walk downstairs to the kitchen. There, she opened the fridge, only to discover that the entire fridge was teeming with Thanksgiving leftovers.
“Sonofabitch,” Martinez muttered. “You know, this is why Thanksgiving kinda sucks– right here, in this fridge. There are so many leftovers.”