Report: Economy Not Good

A new report released this week is saying that the economy is not doing well right now. The author of the report, blogger and video game enthusiast Joe Nich, said the report draws its conclusions from the Department of Labor, which has all of its statistics right on its website.

“I was looking up Mariska Hargitay on Wikipedia and somehow I got on the Department of Labor’s page and decided to go to it’s official website because there was a link,” said Nich.

“I didn’t realize how shitty it is right now. Why is no one talking about this? All I’ve been hearing about is Red Dead Redemption. So I decided I’d take it upon myself to write the report, and send it to President Obama.”

A copy of the report was made available to the media. The three sentence report reads as follows: Economy not good. There is high unemployment. There is no growth.

President Obama has yet to comment on the report, though press secretary Robert Gibbs said that “the president is doing all he can” but that “the Republicans keep screwing things up.”

Joe Nich will release the official report next week on his blog, but for now he is working on a solution report to send the president.

“I took a micro — or was it macro? — economics class a couple years ago so I know what I’m doing. I thought the president would have advisers for this, but I guess not,” he said.

“It’s really not all that hard, basically we just need more jobs. Just one simple sentence. Hey, there’s the report, duh.”