A serial cover-bandit is striking the Lincoln area. There have been close to 20 reports to the Lincoln Police Department of these occurrences, and police are yet to pin down whether or not these are isolated incidents of one thief or a community of these warmth-nabbing bandits.
Local man Bruce Willis (no relation) said he has experienced this trauma. “I woke up in the middle of the night absolutely freezing, and I realized all my covers had been yanked off me to the other side of the bed,” said Willis.
Horrified, he made an emergency 911 call to report the incident. “Yeah, they were shocked at my report at first, but I guess there have been tons of other people calling these types of things in. It’s really plaguing Lincoln.”
The police have a few leads in the case of Willis, namely his girlfriend Lola Hubbert. Although she has not been formally charged, she is suspected to be one of the perpetrators. “Since when is this even illegal?” shouted Hubbert as she was escorted to the police station late Wednesday night.
“I’m sure it was Lola, I mean, who else could it have been? So yeah, I do hope she does some time for this — if not for the covers, don’t even get me started on those feet. Practically ice cubes,” said Willis in a final statement.