Roommate Licked Everything In That Fridge

Tensions arose last night when it was revealed that your roommate Jason licked everything in that fridge.

Jason, self-described as “kind of like an artist or something,” took the items in your shared refrigerator and ran his halitosis-encrusted tongue across them in an effort to “mark his territory like an alpha wolf.”

Your girlfriend Kathryn, who observed and reported the oral spraying ritual, was unimpressed by the display.

“I thought you were going to kick him out three weeks ago when he tried to carve his name into the couch. And weren’t those chicken breasts yours?” Kathryn asked as she washed the recently ingested pizza from her tongue.

The only item that escaped Jason’s drooling gob was a moldy chunk of Limberger Jason’s grandfather sent him in a particularly senile moment. The cheese “smelled like feet and was probably unsanitary, you know?”

Reports indicate that you won’t be man enough to confront Jason until he decides to bleach his initials onto your German Shepherd’s forehead.