Roommate “Probably” Going Home Again This Weekend

The Village dorm resident Dillon Alexander confirmed reports early Tuesday morning that his roommate Jeff Holcomb would in fact be going home again this weekend. The news comes after six consecutive weekends in which Holcomb traveled back to his hometown of Nebraska City until the following Monday.

“It’s become a habit of his,” Alexander stated. “He doesn’t really have any friends here, which isn’t surprising because he’s a very unlikable person. Did you know his favorite band is Avenged Sevenfold? Figures.”

Holcomb’s time at college has been fraught with failures to branch out and meet new people, an occurrence Holcomb blames on the people of Lincoln.

“Yeah everyone here is pretty lame,” Holcomb told the Dailyer. “All they want to do is go to football games and listen to shitty music. Did you know nobody here likes Avenged Sevenfold? Figures.”

The people in Lincoln aren’t the only reason Holcomb chooses not to stay over the weekend, however.

“There is just nothing to do here. Literally nothing. Back in Nebraska City there’s all sorts of things to do, like hangout in the Walmart parking lot smoking weed with all the guys who work at the gas station and talk about how great high school was. You can’t get that in Lincoln, let me tell ya.”

Holcomb has already begun packing his belongings for the weekend trip, including the only five shirts he owns, all of which are Avenged Sevenfold sleeveless shirts he bought at the same concert.