Secret Service runs out of funding due to Barron Trump’s iPad usage

The clash of political ideologies in the United States may be a money maker for news channels, but the Clash of Clans is a money taker for the United States government.

Multiple networks recently broke the news that the Secret Service, the branch of the Department of Homeland Security that protects individuals of high importance including the President and their family, is on the verge of running out of money to pay its agents’ yearly salaries. Most, if not all, news outlets cited the President’s multiple adult children and his frequent golf trips as the biggest drains on Secret Service funds, but some of us at The DailyER felt there was more to the story than that, so we went digging.

DailyER correspondent Peggy Morris was sent to Trump Tower in New York City to learn more about the financial drain caused by the President’s wife, Melania, and her youngest son Barron living in Trump Tower. Rumors have been circulating in newsrooms across the nation about some of Barron’s activities, but no reporter was brave enough to dig so deep for a bombshell until now.

“We let Barron use our government-issued iPads and phones so he can play Clash of Clans when his three personal iPads run out of battery,” a Secret Service agent told The DailyER, remaining anonymous to protect their job. “Turns out this little sucker has been squeezing the life out of the petty cash accounts linked to those devices to fund his Clash of Clans empire, which is honestly quite impressive from what I’ve seen of it.”

Another anonymous member of the Secret Service’s accounting department said she had no idea how such a large drain on the Service’s funding wasn’t caught earlier. “It’s protocol to file reports for every instance petty cash is used, but somehow this little rascal managed to bleed dry every petty cash account assigned to agents at Trump Tower, and all for his Clash of Clans kingdom.”

This story is still unfolding as we dig deeper into Barron’s sick fortress.

  • Karlmac Yerima

    Modern news… oh God!!!