Senator Filibusters with Lengthy Bong Rips Into Microphone

Following the legalization of marijuana in Washington, D.C. earlier this week, many have speculated how it would be implemented  in our nation’s capital.

Congressional Republicans have tried to limit the ballot measure going into effect by including limiting clauses in important funding bills.

This past week, the Senate debated a bill to fund the National Parks Service in the same vein.

Senator Jeff Merkley (D-OR), the only senator out in favor of legalization, has resorted to drastic measures in order to prevent backlash against legalization in D.C. As the other senators argued back and forth over the issue, Senator Merkley was preparing to change the course of the debate.

Senator Merkley took the floor at 2 p.m., beginning a four hour and 20 minute filibuster.

To the shock and surprise of the entire Senate, Merkley began taking massive bong rips, exhaling into the microphone.

The whole chamber was silent, save for the gentle sound of bubbling coming from within his 3-foot water pipe.

“I guess I expected that things would change around here when legalization came,” Florida Senator Bill Nelson said. “What I did not expect was to see a senator taking milky, minute-long bong rips into the microphone in order to stall for time.”

Members of both houses of Congress expressed disappointment in Merkley’s filibuster tactics.

“Drugs? In the government? Things sure have changed,” Rep. Nancy Pelosi said.

“I’m willing to do anything to promote legalization,” a teary-eyed Senator Merkley told DailyER reporters between sporadic coughing fits. “And if that includes roasting bowl after bowl of dank-ass kine bud in full view of our nation’s senators for hours at a time, so be it.”