Donald Freuber was just a normal man before Saturday evening. But on that night, Freuber decided to pay for sexual services, a crime in his home state of Nebraska, and a move that forced him to run for Senate.

Donald was forced to run for senate after finding that politics seems to be the only place where devious sexual acts are part of the “norm.” He stated that after you have sex with a prostitute you feel “ashamed” of yourself, and that the only people that can “empathize” with that sort of pain are politicians.

“I need to be around people that I can relate to, and the only place that seems to participate in devious sexual acts like prostitution is the U.S Congress and, more specifically, the U.S. Senate,” Freuber said.

“It’s the only place I can feel at home with my sick and sexually disturbed mind.”

Freuber’s opponent Ben Nelson stated that the move was not uncommon, and that he himself was forced to “bang” at least four prostitutes in the last month to feel like he deserved to get re-elected.

“I understand why Donal Freuber feels he has the right to run for Senate,” Nelson said. “But I’ve been paying for disgusting sexual acts since before he was born. That is why I know I can best represent Nebraska in the Senate.”

As of press time, Freuber was believed to have paid four different prostitutes to perform sexual acts on him in the last 6 hours, a Nebraska senatorial candidate record.