Shoplifter Caught Stealing Those Pants?

Some clothing just isn’t worth the price tag. In the case of the Abercrombie & Fitch Mid Rise Vegan Leather Jeggings, they aren’t even worth a five-finger discount.

Raechel Hanson, 28, was caught stealing those very jeggings yesterday evening in the downtown Springfield, Illinois location. The store’s on-duty manager, Tanya Lambert, caught Hanson in the act.

“I almost just let her take them,” Lambert said. “We can’t sell those ugly fucking things.”

The Mid Rise Vegan Leather Jeggings are made of vegan leather and include faux front pockets and ‘iconic’ back pocket stitching. The ‘icon’ the stitching attempts to resemble is probably Patrick Ewing. It kind of looks like Patrick Ewing with one eye squinted and the other closed.

The leather, as explained by the store’s manager, is not meant to be eaten. The word ‘vegan’ is used to give consumers a false sense of satisfaction, like they’re better than you or something to that degree.

“I wasn’t trying to eat them,” the alleged thief said, answering the question in the back of everyone’s heads.

“No, seriously,” she added, assuring reporters.

When asked why then would she want to steal the jeggings, she replied that she wanted to wear them, but simply could not afford them. She is also denying allegations of having terrible taste in clothing.

Store employee Eva Robinson begs to differ.

“She has terrible taste in clothing.”

Abercrombie & Fitch CEO Mike Jeffries could not be reached for a comment. He probably wouldn’t understand the irony of him selling ugly pants anyway.