Smartest kid in class still can’t eat peanuts

By Rick, Age 7

Rudy Beck is totally the smartest kid in our class: he always gets perfect grades on his homework, he takes advanced math and he knows about physics and stuff. But, for some reason, he can’t eat peanuts.

“Dude, that’s why we can’t eat Reese’s or peanut butter in class?” asked Rudy’s crush, Maggie, when we told her Rudy’s secret. “That’s super annoying.”

Apparently, if Mr. Smartypants – the kid who always thinks algebra is “so easy his dog could do it” – even smells peanuts, his throat will swell.

“That’s super funny,” Billy said as he chewed his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. “Like, who can’t eat peanuts?”

Most kids in the class have been asking that same question. Why can’t the big brain himself eat something like peanuts. Like, the best foods have peanuts in them.  

“If he’s so smart, why can’t he figure out a way to eat peanuts?” asked Slow Tommy as he hung from the monkey bars for the 20th minute. “Guess he ain’t so smart.”

When some of the kids went to ask Rudy, he ran from them when he smelled that they ate Reese’s Pieces right before. Wouldn’t a smart guy who knows biology and chemistry just hold his breath?

At the end of the day, most of the kids in class agree that, if Rudy wants to be a NASA astronaut like he said he did, then he’d have to stop with this peanut thing.

“Smart guys eat peanuts, after all,” Slow Tommy said. “That’s just a university fact.”