Smooth guy offers girl umbrella, cigarette, 40 years of his life


Last Monday night, freshman biology major Clarice Berger walked alone in the heavy rain. After a rough day of classes and the thought of having to spend hours on homework once she returned to her dorm, Berger was feeling down.

“God, I wish someone would just swoop in and change my awful life forever,” Berger said.

Then, with the Tides of Cool Fate flowing towards her, the smoothest person to ever enter her life walked up to her and offered her his umbrella.

“Here, how’s this?” said the figure of pure, concentrated smoothness – who would probably be wearing the most expensive shades if the sun was shining.

Then, the smarmy cool-bro offered Berger a cigarette, somehow lighting it in the rain.

“Here you go,” he said.

Finally, in a stroke so cool that it would put the Fonz in a collective coma of radness and tranquility, the smooth sumbitch dropped down to one knee and offered her the rest of his life.

“Usually, I don’t fall for those cheesy displays of pure love and devotion for many years to come,” Berger said. “But he pulled it off, y’know? He was just so smooth.”

With a coy smile, Berger decided to open her heart, amused by the cool guy’s cool move of offering his entire life and happiness to another person without knowing who she was or what her fears, desires and insecurities are.

Reports say that the chill couple is keeping it real with a rad wedding and the totally sick way of completely sacrificing any sort of independence in favor of a long, prolonged life together.