Smug Attitude Required in Railyard Dress Code

Since their inceptions, the recent additions to Lincoln’s Historic Haymarket district have bundled panties across the state.

When the highly anticipated Railyard District announced it would be implementing a dress code, Lincoln residents took to the streets.

Yesterday, in an attempt to quell criticisms, Railyard spokesperson, Herman Speer, held a press conference to highlight the clothing restrictions and explain who would be admitted.

To gain access, patrons must first go through a three-step screening process. In accordance with state and federal law, party-goers must provide identification. After the ID check, the dress code will be enforced. It is at this point where people wearing clothing printed with profanity, sleeveless shirts or explosive devices will be asked to change.

“Men exposing their undergarments will also be asked to cover up,” Speer added.

The third and final step muddies things a bit.

Those seeking admittance must provide documented proof of their upper class lifestyle, the document reads. This can be done in a variety of ways and will be left to the discrepancy of the licensed ambassadors.

“Commonly accepted methods of proving affluence are college diplomas, pay stubs, boating licenses or by simply being a beautiful woman,” Speer said.

The Railyard’s original plan was to turn away those deemed “low class,” but Lincoln’s city council recently struck down the proposal.

“Due to the unfortunate decision of the city council, those failing the third test will still be granted access,” Speer said. “However, a private security force known as the Super Security (SS) will place a yellow wristband on those deemed undesirable.”

While many Lincoln residents were enraged at Speer’s comments, self-described alcoholic, Eva Brown, loves the elitism the district has to offer.

“My favorite part is the three dollar drink minimum,” Brown said. “Can you believe guys have actually tried to buy me one dollar drinks? I mean look at me, I’m gorgeous, you’re going to have to buy me more than a frog sperm if you want to wake up next to this.”

Railyard manager Oliver Schmitt also made his expectations clear.

“Anyone overheard referring to the Railyard as a ‘bar’ will be asked to leave the premises,” he said. “The Railyard is an ‘Entertainment District.’ If you want a ‘bar,’ go mingle with the swine of O Street.”

Schmitt also reminded patrons that the joke emphasizing the first syllable of Railyard was immature and would also be grounds for removal.