Struggling Novelist Working on Next Great American Suicide Note

After countless years toiling away at his laptop under the inspiration of greats like Jack Kerouac, J. D. Salinger and Walt Whitman, failed novelist Ian Treadwell hopes to revolutionize the way our culture views itself while simultaneously going gently into the good night as he readies to publish what he believes to the the “next great American suicide note.”

“I just feel like the suicide notes as a medium of art haven’t been utilized enough,” Treadwell stated. “I mean Kurt Cobain comes to mind, but no one has really pushed the boundaries of what a suicide note can do, artistically speaking that is.”

When asked what he would use as inspiration for the project, Treadwell answered candidly.

“Well I think I’m going to draw from a lot of things in my own life, so I guess you could say the suicide not will resemble a lot of things about me as an individual.”

Treadwell went on to describe his hopes for his burgeoning career as a creative suicide note scribe.

“I want to leave a legacy, I want people to be affected by my words. When people pick up my suicide note and read it, and want them to say, ‘Wow, it’s so sad that he’s gone now. Just think of all the great suicide notes he could’ve written if he hadn’t blown his brains out.’”

A specific release date for the suicide note has not been set, however Treadwell stated it could be delayed indefinitely depending on how publishers react to his memoir, “I Am Holden Caulfiend: How A Genius Overcame All the Phonies.”