Student with Alienware laptop running Blackboard at 120 frames per second

While some students have to worry about slow, clunky computers, sophomore Edgar Tucker doesn’t have to worry about anything.

That’s because Tucker came to class yesterday with a new Alienware 17 R3 laptop, allowing him to browse websites like Blackboard at a blistering 120 frames per second.

“I just wanted an advantage over all of the other students,” Tucker said. “It cost a ton of money, and it’s good to see where it all went.”

Tucker went on to explain the Intel i7 CPU, the Nvidia 980M graphics card and all of that other stuff as he pulled the computer out of his backpack.

“The 4K resolution screen really allows me to view my grades at the highest resolution possible,” Tucker said, rubbing his finger over the little alien symbol on the back.

The 8.3-pound monster has a 17-inch screen for Tucker to lay out all of his Microsoft Word documents. He said that he can have nearly every application on his computer running at once.

“It’s just what I needed for my college life,” Tucker said. “This baby can do it all.”

Other students expressed envy at Tucker’s powerhouse, lamenting their purchases of inadequate MacBooks.

“I was trying to read the syllabus the other day, but it wouldn’t open fast enough,” student Jessica Brookes said. “And when I got to it, I had to squint my eyes in order to read it. Tucker’s totally got it good.”

While other students take up to three seconds to open up an internet browser, Tucker can have the page up in under a second.

“I know it’s not easy at the top, but someone’s gotta be there,” Tucker said, opening multiple tabs in Chrome in mere seconds.

When asked about his gaming on the laptop, Tucker said that he only really browses Facebook and looks at funny memes.