Student’s pet cactus already dead


Sometimes, humans cannot be trusted with absolute power. Political science major Becky Sampson would have learned this lesson Monday afternoon if she had realized the consequences of her actions.

Sampson’s Monday started off as normal as ever: the sophomore woke up at 8:00 a.m., showered and got dressed before heading to her morning class. Just before leaving her apartment, however, Sampson stopped to intensively stare at her pet cactus, named Jed and already deceased from lack of water.

“Oh gosh, when was the last time I watered you?” asked Sampson, a being that might as well be considered a god in the nonexistent eyes of plants like Jed. “But I bet you aren’t thirsty – you’re a cactus, haha.”

Sticking her finger against a thorn on the deceased Jed’s slowly crusting corpse, Sampson smiled lovingly.

“Why don’t I water you now?” said Jed’s caretaker as she walked over to the kitchen to fill a single glass of water. Her useless charitable action mocked Jed’s fleeting memory as she watered the lifeless husk.

“Boy, I bet I saved you there, hahaha,” said the self-appointed Arbiter of Life and Death.

Proud of herself for no reason at all, Sampson finally left the apartment, with Jed’s body exposed to the elements and without a proper burial.

Reports claim that Sampson showed her disinterest to weaker lifeforms three weeks later when she discovered Jed’s corpse had decayed horribly, and chucked its body into a trashcan.