Study Shows Dozens of Babies Born this Year

Kids just seem to seem to be getting older and older every year, and with that comes more children.

A study carried out by Studeaze, a study research company based out of Lincoln, found that 31 children have been born in the United States since January.

“We really believe the information we gather at Sudeaze makes a difference in the world,” said lead-researcher Kevin Porkmete, who admitted the study has kept him from the outside world for approximately the last 11 months. “To know that 31 more little humans are out there to eventually create more humans, that is big stuff. Who knows – one of them could grow up to be the next role model NFL running back. The next Ray Rice or Adrian Peterson could be among that crew.”

With this rampant uptake in amount of children in the U.S., the prices of everyday clothing items may rise, although they probably won’t.

Porkmete, who has 14 years of experience in the research field, says the next study Studeaze in the process of carrying out is one to determine how many alcoholic drinks college students consume every year.

“With all the information we gathered we are hypothesizing the average college-level student consumes between one and two drinks per year, give or take one,” he said.

Porkmete plans to take himself on vacation to the Bahamas prior to the study’s January commencement.