Football

Husker football schedules home-and-home with North Pole Fighting Elves

“This is going to be a huge game on both team’s schedules”, declared athletic director Trev Alberts about the recently announced home-and-home scheduling of North Pole in 2030-2031. Last Wednesday, the Husker athletic department announced that Nebraska would be making the thousand mile trek North to Saint Nicholas Stadium, home of the North Pole University […] Read more

Lil’ Red files child labor lawsuit against the university

LANCASTER COUNTY COURTHOUSE– After years and years of undying support of the Nebraska Cornhuskers, our beloved Lil’ Red has had enough. The 30-year-old child is reportedly suing the Husker Athletic Department for decades of semi-abusive child labor. “He really just feels used,” said Sigourney Weaver, long-time girlfriend of Lil’ Red. She continued, “All he’s ever […] Read more

UNL Athletic Department denies knowing who Maurice Washington is

Nebraska Cornhuskers running back Maurice Washington is officially being charged with the possession of child pornography and distributing revenge porn in the state of California. The University of Nebraska-Lincoln Athletic Department first learned that Washington was under investigation last September. “Washing-who? I’ve never heard that name before in my life,” said the befuddled UNL Director of Athletics […] Read more

Parking and Transit Services to begin issuing Iowa game tickets instead of citations

Residents and commuters of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln campus will soon be noticing a change in parking enforcement practices. Effective immediately, Parking and Transit Services will begin replacing its traditional parking citations with tickets to Iowa football games; attendance required. “We expect this will be a considerable incentive to abide by the parking regulations on […] Read more

What the heck?

Oh boy, the Huskers did it again. Our big burly boys managed to lose in embarrassingly epic fashion in front of thousands of fans. Nebraska suffered a loss that was so mind-bogglingly horrendous, the only words one could utter after the game are, “what the heck?” Seriously, though. What the heck, Huskers? I understand this is […] Read more