guns

Hidden clause to sixth commandment revealed: Thou shalt not kill unless he is using a legally obtained firearm

The Republican Party has been under intense scrutiny the past few months for their refusal to implement stricter gun control into U.S. legislation following several mass shootings. However, some recently uncovered information may just help the argument of Second Amendment supporters. An anonymous source came forward earlier this week stating that the sacred stone given to […] Read more

Mechanic finds it inappropriate to discuss repairs so soon after car crash, offers prayers

Calling it abominable to politicize your car’s suffering, your local mechanic told you it was inappropriate to discuss repairs so soon after your car crash. “It hasn’t even been 24 hours since the crash, and you want to talk repairs?” questioned your mechanic. “What your car needs right now are our thoughts and prayers. Maybe […] Read more

isis

CIA: ISIS “terrified” of white guys posing with guns on Facebook

According to a leaked CIA internal memo, there’s only one thing that the middle-eastern terrorist group known as ISIS fears more than Allah’s disapproval– lower-middle-class, AM-radio-listening, outspokenly patriotic white men who pose with weapons in their Facebook photos. The memo detailed how ISIS is, as one senior analyst described, “shaken to their core” by what […] Read more