On Thursday November 10, at around eleven pm, the campus utility plant decided to strangle itself and gargle like a garbage disposal for an hour. Innocent passersby’s ears were assaulted by the obnoxious noise until it miraculously stopped hours later. Everything went back to normal, not one thing out of the ordinary. The next morning, […] Read more
“No, you’re not seeing the problem from the right angle! You have to crack this nut, you buffoon!” shrieked 6-year-old squirrel Arnold Grassworth, born somewhere near Love Library, as he helped a confused freshman in the physics resource center in Jorgensen Hall. Arnold’s story is one of constant struggle and woe. Everyone told him he would […] Read more
A group of kid scientists from Toddleham University has just made a shocking discovery that will change the way we perceive the world forever. Research team leader Blake Dwight has confirmed in his latest macaroni art thesis that cars attached to shopping carts in grocery stores and department stores have no steering capability whatsoever. Dwight, a […] Read more
History was made on April 15, when Florida resident John Hemwick decided to take the plunge. That day, he swam 670 miles alone from the coast of Florida towards the Bermuda Triangle to prove its existence. On the way into it, he disappeared and never returned, showing just how real the triangle is. “We haven’t […] Read more
With another Huskers football season in the books, many local sports fans are clamoring for something to celebrate. While Nebraska’s men’s basketball team is giving another valiant effort, their play doesn’t indicate an invitation to March Madness. Across I-80, however, are the Creighton Bluejays, a high-class basketball program and perennial invites to the tourney. Currently […] Read more
In an unprecedented move, the University of Nebraska-Lincoln announced Tuesday that its Water Science major would now be known as “Aquafina Science,” after the bottled water brand owned by PepsiCo. At a press conference, UNL chancellor Ronnie Green was joined by PepsiCo CEO Indra Nooyi to announce the change. “Our exclusive partnership with Pepsi over […] Read more
Alabama senator and future Attorney General Jeff Sessions was not the most welcomed choice for the job by pundits and citizens alike. As a lifelong politician, Sessions has created a political platform based on anti-immigration and anti-LGBT stances, like banning books from schools that reflect Islamic values. Sessions is also a fierce denier of climate […] Read more
A small committee ended its session in a smoky conference room in the Nebraska Union Heritage Room with a change in the doctorate program at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. “You know that Bill Nye? He’s a Science Guy, and here at Nebraska we’re graduating thousands of Science Guys,” said Committee head Scott Dixon. “But the […] Read more
