sports

Nebrasketball’s explosive offense detonates, creates 50-mile blast radius

In an eruption that made the Pinnacle Bank Arena resemble a watermelon stuffed with an M-80, the Nebraska men’s basketball team accidentally played too hard against the Iowa Hawkeyes last Saturday, triggering a thermonuclear explosion and sending the state into fallout. The crowd of 15,268 were left saturated in radiation, causing fans to resemble sickly green […] Read more

Pete Ricketts: “Stand For The Flag Super Bowl Sunday” was just the beginning

Following a tumultuous football season for national anthem protests, Nebraska Governor Pete Ricketts has once again revived the controversy. This past Sunday, Ricketts made an official state proclamation to rename the day to “Stand For The Flag Super Bowl Sunday,” coinciding with the National Football League title game. Receiving lots of positive feedback, mostly from […] Read more

Nebraska misses College Football Playoff, fires coach Scott Frost

The coaching carousel continues! Following the worst football season since 1961, the Nebraska Cornhuskers decided to fire head coach Mike Riley. After tapping former Huskers legend Scott Frost to coach the Big Red on Saturday, Athletic Director Bill Moos has changed course once again. Moos announced Frost’s termination at a press conference on Sunday, directly following […] Read more

Paramedics on hand for full-contact chess tournament

In what turned into absolute carnage among chess-playing intellectuals on Saturday, eyewitnesses described the violence that ensued during the world’s first full-contact chess tournament. “There were some unspeakable things that happened at that tournament,” said paramedic Terry Shroedecker. “My God, the things people do in the name of sport. I’ll never understand it.” Accounts of […] Read more

UNL drops football program

After a disappointing 2017 football season, UNL’s athletic board has decided to permanently discontinue the Husker football program effective immediately. After 127 years of fun, friendship and enough laughs to fill Memorial Stadium to the top, the boys in red are finally being laid to eternal rest. The athletic board addressed the press on Saturday to […] Read more