refrigerator with marathon medal

Refrigerator wins marathon

Officials were stunned last weekend when a refrigerator won the River City Marathon in Sacramento, California on Sunday. The refrigerator won the race with a time of 1:59:48, shattering the previous world record and stunning fans everywhere. “I never thought I’d see a refrigerator win a marathon,” said Joe Johnson, a spectator at the race […] Read more

Obama raises minimum dating age

President Barack Obama earlier this week vetoed a formal request from his oldest daughter Malia, 14, to go to dinner and a movie with one of her male classmates, instead electing to suspend her privilege of dating indefinitely. The official decision came merely seconds after the question was initially proposed, with the President adopting a […] Read more

Newt Gingrich in two-person race with student council candidate

Following the suspension of his closest rival’s campaign, Newt Gingrich declared that he is officially “in a two-person race” for Mill Creek Middle School Student Council in Woodstock, Georgia. The beleaguered candidate, whose fund-raising efforts have flagged in the last month, was reportedly forced to ask his sister, Candice, for spending money. Records also indicate […] Read more