Trump campaign now staffed by poorly attended book club

Republican nominee Donald Trump’s already troubled presidential campaign just experienced yet another shake-up: his staff is now made up of members of the sparsely attended Midtown Moms Book Club, Manhattan’s premier book club for moms.

This most recent personnel shift comes about a month after Trump brought on Kellyanne Conway, his third campaign manager, to replace the outgoing Paul Manafort.

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Carla Highnooner, the de facto leader of Midtown Moms and the author of its monthly newsletter, was pleasantly surprised when she arrived at the regular club meeting and found there were twice as many attendees as she was expecting. But before they even had a chance to discuss Jerry Seinfeld’s new memoir “Sein On You Crazy Diamond”, the meeting was interrupted.

“What a day. First we reach a huge milestone, with six members showing up to the meeting,” Highnooner said. “And then these eerie hooded gentlemen literally appear out of nowhere and tell us the fate of the galaxy rests in our hands. Next thing I know, I’m on the phone with a nice elderly woman from Erie, Pennsylvania, and I’m covered in buttons!”

For the next month, Highnooner and the others will be focused on “get out the vote” efforts, fundraising, making sure they have enough Cheeto dust to make Trump’s homemade tan cream and the occasional arcane ritual.

When the moms asked what happened to the campaign’s previous staff, the “robed gentlemen,” who requested that The DailyER not identify them as Trump’s children, declined to give a straight answer.

“They just kept muttering something about ‘depleted spirit currency,'” Highnooner said.

Although not a Trump supporter, Shelly Savalas has wanted to work on a national campaign since long before she became co-chair of Midtown Moms’ executive board. She never expected it to happen like this.
“It’s a lot of responsibility, helping to pick the next book, liking all the posts in our Facebook group, bringing the hummus and pretzels,” Savalas said. “I think I can manage the dual workload. Truthfully, I am much more concerned about potentially helping to elect a lizard person. Opportunities like this don’t come along very often.”