Tyler Perry Takes Helm Of “Amistad” Remake: “Ship Of Payne”

Critically acclaimed director Steven Spielberg released a statement this week regarding the announcement that his 1997 film “Amistad” will be remade by his close friend and colleague, Tyler Perry.

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Above: Perry on set demonstrating how to “act like slavery is fun”. Photo illustration by John Rincon.

“I’m thrilled that Tyler has chosen this film. I really feel like I twisted the public perception of slavery towards emotions of grief, hardship, racism and hatred. If he keeps up the hot streak he’s been running on for the past five years, I think we’ll see a much more authentic portrayal of this important historical event,” said Spielberg.

“Amistad” is not the first instance where Spielberg has ruined history for his audience. Global events previously considered “triumphs of the human spirit” are now, thanks to Spielberg, viewed in a violent and depressing light. “Schindler’s List,” “Munich,” “Saving Private Ryan” and “War of the Worlds” are perfect examples of Spielberg’s failure to give the public what it wants: the truth. That’s where Perry comes in.

“’Amistad: Ship of Payne’, at its core, is really this hilarious story about a black guy named Marcus who hops on a slave ship in the 1800s to escape his love-crazed admirer, Queen Isabella of Spain, whom I will be playing. Marcus and the slaves try to steer the boat towards Africa, but there’s a big crazy mix-up and somehow they end up in New Jersey. Hilarity ensues,” chuckled Perry.

The Academy of Motion Pictures and Sciences has completely snubbed Perry in recent years for culturally relevant masterpieces like “I Can Do Bad All By Myself”, “Why Did I Get Married?” and the cult classic “Madea Goes to Jail.”

Tom Sherak, President of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, explains why Perry has been ignored for so long.“The Academy feels like Tyler Perry really has blazed a sort of ‘intellectual trail.’ His past work has been on a level of genius that the public has yet to grasp. The Academy recognizes this. That’s why we hope that with this safer, more authentic directing approach, we might see the first Black Romantic Family Comedy win Best Picture.”

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