Yesterday the University of Nebraska Board of Regents announced that it has purchased a house in the North Bottoms to serve as the University of Nebraska president’s residence.

“After President Milliken never moved into the house we bought for him, we decided to sell it and get something that wouldn’t make new presidents feel intimidated by too fancy of a house,” said Regent James Ewald. “My understanding is that a house with hardwood floors and granite countertops actually discourages presidents from living there, as they are afraid that they might damage University property while hosting a fundraiser.”

President Hank Bounds is expected to move into the house next week. The house features wall-to-wall carpeting, a suspicious stain on the upstairs bathroom floor, four bedrooms, and what the previous owner described as “a slight mouse problem.” Other convenient features of the house include an unstable foundation, neighbors with extensive criminal records, and a number of colorful phrases written on the basement walls in permanent marker.

The exterior of the house is also distinct, with a free couch on the front porch and only a single broken window on the west side of the house. The backyard boasts a chain-link fence, a peeling storage shed, and a 50-50 ratio of living grass to dead grass.

Bounds, who has been quoted describing the house as “a fucking tight set up, bruh”, strongly approved of the purchase. “The house is really great. I’m trying to find a few more roommates who can help share utilities since it has all these extra bedrooms, and I really want to get a washer and dryer moved into the basement.”

Bounds praised the house’s potential for keg parties and tailgating before home football games, both of which he described as great ways to network with wealthy donors to the University. Additionally, he expressed interest in selling parking in the backyard to supplement his university salary.