UNL student body quickly becoming addicted to Crystal Pepsi

With the reintroduction of Crystal Pepsi to the world market, carbonation connoisseurs no longer need to scour the depths of Ebay for a taste of the once-elusive and near-legendary clear cola. The resurgence of this drink, however, has lead to some problems on Pepsi-sponsored college campuses across the nation, including right here at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.

“This drink is just so good, I can’t believe Pepsi ever pulled this off the shelves. It tastes just like regular Pepsi, but there’s just something about the clarity of the liquid that I can’t resist,” said sophomore arts management major Kimberly Thompson. A survey of Thompson’s room revealed dozens of empty bottles of Crystal Pepsi strewn about. “I bought my first one just last week, then I ordered a whole case online.”

The University Health Center has reported increasing cases of caffeine and sugar withdrawal, with 93 percent of those new cases related to overconsumption of Crystal Pepsi. The Lincoln Police Department has also reported multiple bungled robberies of convenience stores near campus.

“What’s really strange about these robbery attempts is that the suspects weren’t trying to steal money or anything of real value, just this Crystal Pepsi product that comes back every once in awhile,” Officer Karen Strahle told The DailyER. “We’ve even done a couple busts of what we thought were meth labs, but they only ended up being some guys trying to turn regular Pepsi clear to try and hawk it as Crystal Pepsi.”

The LPD is working with the UNL Police Department to crack down on fake Crystal Pepsi to protect students and other consumers. “We only want them using the real Crystal, none of that fake hoodoo,” Strahle said.

A Pepsi spokesperson could not be reached for comment.