White People Ruin Party

whitepeople

Following several hours of friendly socializing in a fun and laid-back environment, a local house party Friday night took a turn for the worse when a group of white people showed up.

Prior to their arrival, party guests enjoyed pleasant conversations with each other while drinking assorted beverages to the sound of a well-put-together playlist in the background, but the dynamic of the party quickly devolved with the arrival of five white people at the party.

“Once they walked in the door, I knew it wasn’t gonna end well,” said Daniel Schooley, owner of the house where the party was taking place. “I’ve seen white people ruin parties a bunch of times, but never like this.”

Partygoers say the offending group entered the house wearing wife-beaters and flat-brimmed hats, then got drunk off one beer and began to chant “YOLO” and “Party Foul” repeatedly. The ensuing hour saw many of the initial party guests vacate the house.

“I was really bummed out about it all,” said Katie Jones, one of the party’s planners. “We tried really hard to make this an awesome party, but just like everything else in life, white people came and made it shitty.”

Some guests claim to have determined the exact moment the party died, citing an incident when one white person said, “What’s with all this gay music? Let’s put on some Mac Miller!”

To make matters even worse, the group of Caucasians lingered at the house long after the other guests had left, eventually stumbling out after puking all over the living room couch.

“I know I shouldn’t stereotype people,” Schooley said, “because I know there has got to be at least one cool white person out there somewhere, but so far I have yet to meet one.”

While Schooley continues to believe cool white people exist, other party guests remain skeptical, vowing to stay away from parties with anyone who even looks like they are from West Omaha.

  • Randall ,

    I really don’t understand why the DailyER continues to publish this exact joke under different headlines. “White People Mad About Bullshit,” “White People Ruin Party”… we get it. You’re edgy and write articles about how white people represent the majority and therefore boring homogeneity. How is this satire? What is it satirizing? Or are you merely just trying to compensate for the fact that the DailyER itself lacks diversity by reiterating the same tired joke about yourselves?