Why Even Bother Making a Movie, If It’s Not In English?

By Grandpa

What has become of this country? I tried to take my wife out for a romantic dinner and a picture for our 42nd anniversary.  We left Old Country Buffet around 5, and went to see whatever was playing at the cinema. I figured we could see a good, old-fashioned Western film. They had a World War II picture showing, so I took my wife to that one.  She loves seeing those kraut bastards get killed by good ol’ American boys. All these years later, I love her.

Well, I’ll be a son of a bitch. The goddamn movie wasn’t even in English!  Plus, it was from the point of view of one of them Nazis!  There’s no way in creation I’m going to sit through a damn motion picture if I can’t even understand what they’re saying! They expect me to read subtitles to figure out what’s going on? I’d rather die than read one goddamn word that’s not printed in a bible. My grandpappy didn’t fight in the Revolution so that we could watch movies from other countries.

 I remember a time when motion pictures were made by people named Charlie or John or Clint.  Now, we have a bunch of films by people named Lars or Quentin or Spike stinking up our American theaters with their filth. It’s no wonder the youth of this country are so hopeless, with their tattoos, and piercings and frozen yogurt.  They never stood a chance.  I grew up watching John Wayne, so I knew how to be a real man.  All the kids have to look up to today is people from France.  May God have mercy on their souls.