Thanksgiving has come and gone, and Christmas decorations have wasted no time springing up around the nation. Families will once again have to make the tough decisions of where to place the best tree ornaments, and the particular Christmas tree in the Sudacek household has been named the first victim of the holiday season.
After the pretty cool looking bulbs were hung, the backside of the tree was completely forsaken of ornamentation.
“I told the kids to put the neat decorations in the front of the tree where everyone could see them,” Julianne, matriarch of the Sudacek family, said, trying to figure out where it all went wrong.
The neighborhood has took to calling the tree decorating incident in the Sudacek household “Christmapocalypse 2013.”
Following the pretty cool bulbs were the nostalgic ornaments. Most of which were made by either Tyler, 14, or Max, 12, in their early days of schooling. Max took it upon himself to force all of his half-assed kindergarten projects to the front of the tree while the freshman highschooler, Tyler, “being too old for this kind of shit,” placed his ornaments at the most convenient point.
“The tree looks fine. It’s a fucking tree,” Tyler said, rejecting any holiday memories his mother tries forcing down his throat.
Julianne can’t seem to take the hint.
“Kids, I made gingerbread cookies!” she exclaimed literally trying to force holiday memories down her kids’ throats.
Tyler renounced the cookies, claiming gingerbread is only worthwhile for its structural integrity.
“It’s the brick to frosting’s mortar. It’s worthless as a food,” Tyler shouted in exasperation.
Julianne pretended to not have heard that and began combining oatmeal and glitter for “reindeer food.”