It was at precisely 8:37 p.m. that the party started crack’a’lackin in Fred Youngsford’s dormitory.
Witnesses described it as the best party you could expect from a freshman living in Knoll, who is known to go off the handle every so often by skipping Bible study.
“It was just absolutely phenomenal,” party attendee Kate Williams said with utmost sincerity. “There was everything a party-hardy, party machine like myself could ask for! UV Blue, that I bet Fred lifted from the Walmart booze aisle. There was a wide selection of Pepsi products, free chips and just the whole galore!”
These delicacies drew a solid 11-person crowd throughout the night, astonishing even the most skeptical of Youngsford’s third-floor neighbors.
“That’s not even the raddest part, bro,” Williams scoffed. “As soon as the Fredster noticed there was a lull in the festivities for even a split second, do you know what that slick-ass mo’ fo’ whipped out?”
Youngsford whipped out a solid, black, thick, eight-inch mass concealing within it some of the rawest, most cutting edge joke material ever known to man.
“Cards Against freakin Humanity! The dopest game our generation of edgy, edge-lords has to freakin offer,” Williams exclaimed with no trace of irony in her voice whatsoever.
“Classic Fred,” Williams said. “This guy really knows how to ball out on the party scene. Get this, while we were all playing he responded to the black card, ‘In Michael Jackson’s final moments, he thought about____’ with ’Anne Frank.’ So funny, right!?”