National

Dishwasher gnomes form union

Kitchens across America rely on power, water and loving families in order to function. Loving families of the actively oppressed Smeebler dishwashing dishwasher gnomes, that is. Stolen from their Smeebler homeland of Dishenraque in the 1850s by inventor Joel Houghton, dishwasher gnomes were forced to live and work inside of wooden boxes and spray dishes […] Read more

Spooky: Donald Trump names “Monster Mash” as the new national anthem

In the nearly 10 months of his presidency, Donald Trump has done some scary things on many non-Halloween days. However, his newest controversy might be the scariest and strangest of all. At 9:34 this morning, Trump made an announcement saying that effective immediately, the national anthem of the United States will no longer be “The Star-Spangled […] Read more

Trump’s reversal of Obama-era birth control mandate meets resistance from Russian nesting doll lobby

The Trump administration recently rolled back Obama-era federal regulations that required employers to cover birth control in their health insurance plans, sources reported. The move, which President Trump called a win for religious freedom, met significant resistance from the highly influential Russian nesting doll lobby. Working for a Better Future from the Inside and Inside […] Read more

Jimmy John’s to offer free two-day delivery to compete with Amazon

Jimmy John’s staple of “freaky fast delivery” is about to get “freaky free.” Jimmy John’s founder Jimmy John Liautaud announced in a statement last Tuesday that the sandwich-making company will start implementing a system providing customers with the option for free two-day delivery for all online and telephone orders. The announcement comes in an evolving […] Read more