Saying you never clean those bones as well as you should, your dad forbade you from leaving the table until you got some more meat off of those chicken wings, sources reported Friday.
“I paid a pretty penny for those wings,” said Dad. “I’m not about to sit here and watch you waste all that good meat.”
According to sources, you explained to your dad that you were so full and had already kind of eaten at your friend’s house.
“There’s barely anything left. Please, I have to do homework,” you said. “The only stuff there is fat and tendons.”
Said your dad: “Those are the best parts.”
Your dad then, reportedly, began an elaborate presentation about how to properly consume a chicken wing, tearing it apart with a ferocity entirely foreign to you.
“See how you really just have to dig in there?” said your dad, his tongue darting between the tiny bones with great forcefulness and agility. “You can’t be afraid to get your hands a little dirty.”
Upon picking up your then-lukewarm remnants of a wing, sources claim you felt obligated to put the entire thing in your mouth and pull it out, scraping off the meat with your teeth while Dad watched intently.
“That’s more like it,” said your dad. “Don’t bother wiping your hands.”
After a few more minutes, sources report that your mom hid her wings under her napkin and excused herself from the table while your dad leaned back in his chair, put his hands behind his head and examined the pile of bones as a king surveys his domain.
“Solid meal,” said Dad, exhaling and patting his stomach. “I think I’m going to go rest my eyes.”