Deadbeat dad hates, needs government assistance

Pointing out that everyone ought to be pulling their fair share, local deadbeat dad Todd Romski is starting to get real tired of all these leeches taking up too much space on the social safety net, sources said.

“Good thing I got in on that Medicaid early! Damn! There’s no way I’d be able to pay for all my kids’ fillings without that sweet, sweet dental coverage,” said Romski, who sources claim became visibly angry when he saw an African American woman using her SNAP benefits card to buy groceries at Walmart, immediately before using his own.

“Look, I got kids to feed, alright? If the state foots the bill, who gives a shit?” Romski said in front of his 7-year-old daughter and 4-year-old son, of whom he has no custody but is still allowed to visit on weekends.

“But if I hear one more geezer bitching about their social security checks I’m gonna start throwin’ ‘bows,” said Romski, who allegedly was literally on his knees begging his children’s mother for a $500 loan last week, promising he’d be able to pay it back as soon as his paychecks started coming in.

“Paychecks? Nah, I lied. No way am I paying back that broad, after all the child support she’s made me pay. I’m totally applying for unemployment though, as soon as I’ve officially been fired from Quikstop for 6 months,” Romski said, when his daughter asked if he actually did find a job.

“I just can’t stand the thought of Obama’s criminal government taking my hard earned cash and giving it to some dirty, homeless, loser who can’t hold a job,” he said.

At press time, Romski doesn’t need to hear any of your shit right now, alright? You don’t know his life, got it? So beat it.

“Yeah that’s right! Cry like a little girl! Cry for your crazy, backstabbing whore mom! Waaahhh!” Romski half-drunkenly yelled at his crying children, who were instructed to just wait outside, call mommy right away and she’ll come pick them up if daddy starts drinking.