Deadbeat kangaroo won’t leave momma’s pouch

There comes a time in every kangaroo’s life where they have to separate themselves from the warm, loving comfort contained within their mother’s pouch.

Unless you’re this deadbeat asshole.

Jack “Joey” Roofuls is a 4-year-old, sexually mature kangaroo who was awarded the nickname “Joey” because he’s acting like a baby who won’t move the hell out of his mother’s place.

“The real world is scary,” Roofuls said. “And it doesn’t make things better knowing I live in the world’s worst place: Australia. I mean, have you seen the shit that lives here? It’s terrifying.”

Roofuls mother, Kanga, is not content with his decision of being the kangaroo equivalent of a leech.

“It was cute for a while, but, like everything with a pulse, ‘roos grow,” Kanga said. “I’m a spry, young doe and Jack’s already been giving me stretch marks you could see from space.”

Members of Roofuls’ troop are conflicted on Kanga Roofuls’ position on the matter.

“I don’t know man, it’s kinda weird, I guess,” said Sam Boomafu, Jack’s longtime friend. “But hey, he throws some killer parties in there, and I’d have to be crazy to suggest he move out.”

On the other, more reasonable hand, there are kangaroos like Buck Aroo who had this to say:

“It’s like he thinks he’s the only one who’s aware of how much Australia sucks,” Aroo said. “It’s insulting and pathetic, and I don’t know if I want him to leave his mother’s pouch more than I just want him gone and out of our lives forever.”

Things have gotten so bad, Kanga Roofuls has even entertained the idea of making Jack pay rent if he wants to continue living within her kangaroo equivalent of a basement.