While hardly being able to stifle back laughter, Deb Fischer, the junior senator from Nebraska, demanded equal rights for all citizens regardless of race, religion, or sexual orientation.
At a press conference early this morning, the senator demanded that the United States ”truly have liberty and justice for all, not just those who I personally agree with,” all while hardly holding back a smile.
Fischer then outlined why she believed the Patriot Act should immediately be repealed, because it “allows government officials to infringe on the rights of the individual” and also “allows for unchecked racial profiling,” but had to stop twice after being unable to hold back the laughter any longer.
The Senator then explained why she believed that keeping gays from marrying was really forcing them into a status “akin to second class citizenry” and that preventing them from partaking in the financial benefits of marriage was “basically the definition of oppression” but soon her laughter could no longer be held back and the rest of her argument became inaudible.
The speech finally ended with Fischer proclaiming “APRIL FOOLS!” at the top of her lungs and quickly running out of the room, informing all in attendance that they had been duped by the “hilarious” and “awe-inspiring” Senator.