Force Of Jim Rome’s ‘Final Burn’ Kills Unsuspecting Athlete

The Padres’ center fielder Cameron Maybin was killed yesterday, after the force of TV and Radio Host Jim Rome’s “Final Burn” caused him to collapse and die on the spot.

“Cameron was a great player, and I’m sorry he had to go this way. But when you get on the wrong side of the jungle-king, this stuff is going to happen,” Rome said in a statement.

“He really thought he could go tweet something I didn’t like and that I would just let it go? No. This is sports; if I’m not keeping these players in line, then who will?”

Maybin’s family has decided not to press charges, fearing retaliation from Rome on a future “Final Burn.”

“Of course they didn’t want to press charges. No one wants to mess with the jungle or its king. I am the savior of sports, and I swear people will listen to what I have to say,” Rome said.

“If they don’t they’ll end up like Maybin, wishing they could still be alive.”

In a statement, ESPN referred to Jim Rome as the “King of Sports” and that “the jungle is the only sports program worth watching.”

“If everyone listened to Jim Rome, sports would be perfect and there would be no controversy,” ESPN President Hal Ligen said. “If Jim Rome wants to run ESPN, he totally can. None of us would have any problem with that.”

San Diego Police stated that they would not bother beginning a criminal investigation against Jim Rome, stating that, if he happened to kill someone in the course of his program, “they probably deserved it.”

“I want to reiterate that the entire San Diego department and I have the utmost respect for Jim,” the San Diego Police Chief said.

“I hope he knows that he is welcome to come and show San Diego why he is the king of the jungle anytime.”