In what many of his brothers are calling the largest embarrassment in the history of the organization, fraternity member John Riley accidentally left his homophobia at home yesterday.
The blunder caused Riley to say things like “I see no problem with gay marriage,” “I’m going to accept people for who they are,” and, “it’s pretty weird that a house full of guys living together would be so fearful of homosexuality.”
“I’ve never been more embarrassed for our fraternity in my life. How could John leave his homophobia at home? Why did he ever even take it out of his wallet?” said John’s former best friend Lance Goodwell.
“You never leave the house without your homophobia or your Sperrys. It’s just the unspoken rule.”
The fraternity has been putting fires out all week, and today promised that “we don’t allow fags in here” would be their motto for “the rest of eternity.”
“This was just a simple mistake, that’s it. We all know that when John carries around the homophobia he hates the gays just as much as any other fraternity brother,” fraternity President Matthew Wells said.
Riley has been kept in the fraternity house all week, refusing to talk to reporters except when he released a statement confirming that he still “hates all gay men and ugly lesbians” and that the blunder was a “one time mistake” that he promises will “never, ever, ever happen again.”